Supermarket Comedy Hour: food that makes ZERO sense

Ohhh, the supermarket. The Wegman’s Vortex and the Whole Foods Black Hole never cease to amaze. Every now and then the time comes to dump my dinosaur iPhone 1 photo cache, and combing through the accumulated ridiculousness is nothing if not an opportunity to exercise my eye roll.

1) Is this why they’re GMO-ing corn? To turn it into a vegetable?

Corn is a grain. Corn is a grain. Corn is a grain. Corn is a grain.

2)Big Niacinamide for Tiny Tummies

Soooo…a quick education: When the INGREDIENTS LABEL is composed of a long list of vitamins, that means those vitamins were added AFTER THE FACT. The vitamins were not there in the first place; in fact, “fortification” or “enrichment” (cute words for we made this food not dangerous) was required to head off potential nutrient deficiency from eating that food. Like Beriberi or Pellagra.
So, here’s how this was made: They took some gluten wheat, the cheap and most widely-grown commodity crop on the planet; added some soybean oil (another commodity crop, possibly genetically modified), an emulsifier (soy lecithin, possibly genetically modified), preservative agents (that’s what “tocopherols” means) and a bunch of outside “nutrients” that are centrally processed (ie taken from a holding tank somewhere) to head-off potential deficiencies for the sake of not screwing up, like, I dunno…your baby.
With the range of amazing, TRULY whole (ie: one-ingredient), naturally nutrient-dense foods available to little ones (like animal foods, which are natural sources of zinc, iron, folate and B vitamins) tell me: Why?

3) Soy: The secret to a happy marriage?

Considering the potential adverse reproductive effects of soy (here/here…sorry, you gotta buy ’em if you want to read ’em, or you could check out this site); the fact that non-organic soy is generally genetically processed; and the fact that since Tofutti was invented the divorce rate amongst people featured on frozen novelty boxes has increased exponentially,*  I’m not sure this is the direction they’d like to go.
Incidentally, my secret to a happy relationship is marrying my husband.
*not a real statistic

4) Hey, after this, why don’t you steal the soul out of a puppy.

Because removing the best parts of the world’s most amazing things is a sure way to improve them.

That’s all for now. Check out my Fun at the Greengrocer or Things that Don’t Exist: Intolerant Omnivore Edition posts for a few more gems. I know you all keep that smartphone camera ready as you browse – what have you seen lately that made you go “Doh!?”

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9 Responses

  1. How do you reduce the fat of guacamole – which should only be avocado, lime, herbs and spices? Sounds like an inert filler is added.
    Then again, I ate a whole avocado as part of my breakfast this morning!

  2. [MARKED AS SPAM BY ANTISPAM BEE | Server IP]
    Hi there!
    I thought of those two older posts today when I was in my local pharmacy. Apparently soy lecithin is SO VITAL to us that you can now buy soy lecithin capsules to supplement your diet!?! I should have taken a photo but I was just too darn surprised.

  3. This may not be true since the rearranged the store, but I always got a kick over the sign hanging at the end of one wise:
    Cereal
    Candy
    Um, there’s a difference??
    And yeah, how do you get the fat out of guac and coconut? Never mind, I don’t want to know.

  4. Argh! This week I found that Whole Foods’ recipe for sweet Italian sausage includes canola oil! Why not use *actual* PIG FAT since you have it right there?!?!?!?!?!
    C’mon folks! Remember your NAME!!!!

  5. [MARKED AS SPAM BY ANTISPAM BEE | Server IP]
    So funny! I have seen that reduced fat coconut but never thought much about it.
    Totally curious as to how they go about reducing the fat. Hmmm … sounds a little weird.

  6. I always enjoy…this one, however, is one of your best for me so far. I need to look more closely when I’m shopping since it looks like the comedy is everywhere 🙂
    Great post!!!

  7. I fed my kids these baby cereals… (no, I didn’t know any better back then)
    I feel kinda sick right now :-S
    I’m just speechless…
    (Yes, my whole family is paleo now! I wouldn’t go back!)

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