Toddler Momming (it’s OK to NOT be OK)

Parenting a toddler is weird.

One moment they’re dressed like an adorable little hipster drinking pretend coffee out of an espresso cup and you think your heart might explode, and the next they’re LITERALLY making you think you’re being held prisoner by a cartoon movie villain who has his finger on the red button but FOR SOME REASON just wants to converse in nonsensical terms about all the OTHER ways he can destroy you instead of ACTUALLY FINISHING THE JOB.

On that note…you might have noticed that I will NEVER be that perfect “mom expert” that folks can look up to as an example of what they’d be if they were just “better.”

Nope. I’m the mom in the trenches WITH you, discovering baby poop under my fingernails.

This sh!t is HARD – and I’m not ashamed to say that I don’t have the most secure grip on it all.

The problem *I* see in parenting is NOT a lack of “good advice” circulating.

The problem I see is that we all THINK, whether we realize it or not, that we’re supposed to feel “OK.”

And when we’re NOT OK, we feel like there’s something wrong with us. That we’re failing. That we’re not enough. That we’re not implementing all that “good advice” properly. We blame it on not having our sh!t together. If we were just BETTER PARENTS, the “OK” would come.

The root of this? We are trying to escape the “not OK” – the inherent discomfort of life – instead of embracing it as a sign we’re alive. The truth is, IT’S OK TO NOT BE OK. And – maybe most important – it’s ok to get ourselves some help when the “not OK” gets to be too much.

THAT’S what I’m passionate about. I want you to know you’re NOT alone in the “not OK.”

For that matter, I want you to know that ACKNOWLEDGING that this sucks sometimes doesn’t mean you don’t love your child(ren) with every ounce of your being. Love is a process of challenges, victories, and failures – a million of them a day – and not a perfect state of being.

What if we all just realized that it’s OK to NOT be OK? And that we’re ALL in this together? Maybe it would clear some space for us to get out of our own heads and lean on each other in a meaningful, purposeful way.

Just saying. <3

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4 Responses

  1. Man, Toddler parenting is “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times!” The bed time protests, the attempts of manipulation, followed by real full body contact, arms tight around you hugs…. god help us all lol

  2. A-freaking-men! Toddlers are hard. I don’t have anything to compare it to but I wonder how I’m going to do this sh!t. 🙂
    It’s exhausting and exhilarating all at the same time. And you know what? I wouldn’t change it for the world.

  3. Yes, yes, yes! Thank you liz for opening up about your parenting journey. I just had my second baby which adds a whole new layer of complexity to the emotions, challenges, and rewards. Please continue to talk littles and share “momming” insights. You’ve opened up my parenting world more than I can describe, you’ve inspired me to look at different parenting philosophies (I didn’t even know these existed), and ultimately to look inward at myself in order to be the best parent I can be. It’s been (and will continue to be) a gut-wrenchingly wonderful transformation into parenthood. I’m not sure I’ve ever been so thankful for the influence of someone I have never met – thank you!

  4. Really enjoyed this post! Started to stay home with my little toddler last month. Appreciate the encouragement! Thx

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